Ladies, your men will enjoy this. And you ladies that fix 'stuff' will enjoy these too...

Common Everyday Tools Explained

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light . Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time
it takes you to say, 'Oh sh--!'

SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more
dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place.

Grandma couldn't speak very well but she would write notes when she needed to communicate.

After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up and stuffed pillows on her right side.

A short time later, she started leaning off to her left so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left side.

Soon she started leaning forward so the family members again grabbed her and then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up.

A nephew who arrived late came up to Grandma and said... 'Hi, Grandma, you're looking good! How are they treating you?'

Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew.....

'Bastards won't let me fart.

This is why IT gets a bad rap. Idiots like this!

A member of the IT Crowd at a Missoula company crashed his former employer’s computer system just days after being laid off.

According to the Missoulian newspaper  Vladimir Ivanovich Shved worked as an IT administrator at Edulog which provides software for school bus routing and scheduling in Missoula.

He was laid off in October and prosecutors claim that several computers crashed nearly simultaneously and when employees tried to restore the systems, they found the backup servers had been erased.

Court records say the company called Shved and offered him an hourly rate to help resolve the problem, but refused his demand of a three- to five-year contract at $100 to $150 an hour.

Read the rest.

As we all know, Tiger has returned to golf after a many month hiatus.

We seniors have put together some words of advice he may want to follow.